Finding Inner Peace in Life

In China today there is a growing interest in the mental health industry, but many Chinese still wonder whether it is worth the money to, in their minds, simply speak with a psychologist yet receive no medication. There are persistent doubts whether or not this approach is effective. In many ways a psychologist is no different than other people; we too like to chat, wear nice clothes and travel. However, psychologists are trained to interpret people’s emotions and actions—like joy, anger and sadness—and help patients develop wholly new perspectives on life that can make them healthier.

When should someone see a psychologist?

Many people in China often misunderstand the timing of when they should see a psychologist, believing they should only seek such help when they reach a critical stage of severe insomnia, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts. This limited approach to mental health can create a lot of problems, since it is often much easier to treat such issues at the primary stages of their appearance than when these problems have reached severe levels. When these illnesses develop to the point of having an obvious impact on a patient’s physical health, often a psychiatrist—with the ability to prescribe medication—will be needed. By this point, a psychologist often cannot have as big a role in helping the individual, therefore, at these later stages, the impact on a person’s interpersonal relationships and physical condition can be much greater since they didn’t seek the help of a psychologist early on.

On a positive note, the past few years have seen a change in China, with growing awareness by individuals of the benefits a psychologist can have for their overall good mental health. For instance, I often have patients scheduling my time for a consultation on how to better improve their child’s, or their own, emotional intelligence (EQ). I recently had one mom bring in two full pages of printed-out, detailed questions asking me how to best parent her child. Some patients see me for help in learning how to face their new environment after returning to China from a long stay abroad. Others seek help for everyday type issues they face in their home or workplace, such as: Why don’t I often praise other people? What approach can make people feel my kindness when I speak to them? Why is it that all the nannies I hire can never seem to stay with me for a significantly long period of time? How can I deal with an extramarital affair? How can I face the loss of a loved one? How can I best cope when my family member is undergoing cancer treatment? My patients ask me these and many others such difficult questions everyday.

After consultation with a psychologist, patients generally obtain the emotional support and cognitive correction skills they need to better understand all the possibilities they can chose from when facing such predicaments. As people go through this process of self-discovery, it can at times be somewhat emotionally painful, especially when they uncover things they have not realized about themselves. It can be hard to bring up the past all over again and judge previous actions, but it can truly help them understand how to best move forward.

Psychologists can be sought out for their help with many issues people face. I suggest everyone consider seeing a psychologist when one or more of the following things occur:

• When you have to make a critical life decision such as changing a career; resigning from a job, considering marriage (especially those with a previous marital history), divorcing your spouse, considering having a child (this could be a joint consultation), or adopting a child.
• Negatively affected by interpersonal tension with your spouse, colleagues at work, close friends, or a family member such as your child.
• When you experience a deep lack of confidence including a fear of authority, being obsessively concerned about someone, being overly precautious, being unable to overcome small mistakes or issues, or being indecisive.
• When you feel a great amount of stress and pressure, and as a result you are not willing to communicate with anyone, lose sleep, are constantly irritable, or often lose patience.

In short, a psychologist is an excellent social resource you can call upon and effectively utilize to make your life happier and provide you with a better sense of control. When you visit the psychologist’s office, it doesn’t mean that you are weak, but rather it illustrates that you are soundly rational and mature, making a smart decision to address your issues early on.